Because I'm a Jackass
by livvi695
Summary: One-shot Sequel to my previous multiple chapter story Sex Crazed Zombie. Not necessary to have read it before reading this one shot, but would help understand the backstory. Liv and Blaine have embarked on their 'sort of' relationship. But when Major walks in on her and Blaine, Liv realises just how important Blaine has become to her and how much of a jackass he can be.


Liv ate the last bite of her grilled brain steak and raised her knife to her mouth and licked the residual membrane off the utensil.

"That's hot." A voice sounded from behind Liv, a voice that Liv instantly recognised as she turned to smirk at the intruder. "I think that I'd like that to be my new wallpaper for my phone, not that my old wallpaper of you doesn't still do it for me, but you know what they say, variety is the spice of death." Blaine said as he sauntered down the stairs into the morgue towards Liv.

"In your dreams Blaine, the only reason you have that first one is due to influence of a very slutty brain." Liv said as she set her cutlery down on the table and stood up.

"Oh you don't have to worry about my dreams, you've given them plenty of material to work with over these past two months." Blaine said as he stood in front of Liv, pressing her against the counter behind her. Liv couldn't help but bite her lip in embarrassment and would probably be blushing, if her dead skin allowed it, at the activities she and Blaine had got up to since beginning their, whatever it was they had. Despite both being dead, being with Blaine made Liv feel more alive than she ever did, even when she actually had a pulse to race. After the horny brain of the nymphomaniac that had brought them together had worn off, Liv's appetite for the high that being with Blaine gave her only seemed to grow and those moments of ecstasy that somehow managed to take her non-existent breath away were what she lived for, despite the fact she wasn't alive.

"Well looks like you don't need me anymore then, if your dreams are enough to satisfy you." Liv smirked up at Blaine.

"I don't think so." Blaine said as he grabbed her waist and easily lifted her up onto the counter and Liv instinctively wrapped her legs around his hips. "I think you've got more tricks up your sleeves, tricks that you're begging to show me." Blaine whispered, his forehead resting against her and his lips ghosting against hers, pulling away from her teasingly when she leaned forward.

"Who was that?" Blaine asked nodding his head in the direction of Liv's empty plate, changing the conversation suddenly despite still running his fingers up and down her inner thigh.

"Michael Burrows, 26, musician, dropped dead in the middle of a trial in city hall, blood clot in the heart." Liv finished.

"What was he on trial for?" Blaine asked as one of his hands slipped under the material of her shirt.

"He wasn't on trial, jury duty." Liv answered running her hands over the fabric of his shirt and then wrapping her arms around his neck trying to pull him towards her. Blaine however stood firm, just out of reach of Liv's advances.

"Any of him left? I am a bit peckish." Blaine said biting the air in front of Liv's lips.

"Afraid not, you should have called ahead and I would have saved you some." Liv said feeling a bit guilty despite knowing that he could easily get brains from his own job.

"No matter," Blaine whispered, smirking as he leaned forward and stopping a hairsbreadth away from Liv's lips. " _I'll kiss thy lips. Haply some brain yet doth hang on them."_ Blaine finished before finally pressing his mouth to Liv's and enveloping her in a deep kiss. Liv's functional brain power ceased in that moment and all she felt was the taste of Blaine's lips, the feel of his hair and skin across her fingers, the heat of his hands as they caressed her skin and the scent of his cologne. When Blaine's lips moved from her lips to her neck, Liv desperately gasped for breath, leaning her head back to expose more of her neck. However, without all her senses being taken up by Blaine she finally computed what had just happened.

"Wait." Liv said breathlessly, cupping Blaine's cheek in one hand and bringing his face back up so it was level with hers. "Did you just," Liv couldn't help but giggle, "quote Shakespeare?"

"Fourteen years of the most expensive, private education in the state and you think I don't know Shakespeare? How low are your expectations of me?" Blaine laughed.

"Well I did set the bar pretty low after the whole offering me drugs and groping my arse incident. I'm talking like below sea level low."

"That's good." Blaine laughed.

"Me having low expectations of you is good?" Liv asked slightly confused.

"Well it means that I'm always surprising you." Blaine said as he quickly recaptured her lips. Liv set to work untucking his shirt from his pants and began undoing the buttons carefully, she knew that the shirt he was wearing was one of his favourites. Liv had just undone the third button when a voice clearing their throat behind Blaine made her freeze. Pulling her lips away from Blaine's she risked a peek over his shoulder and was mortified by what she saw.

"Major!" Liv gasped, quickly pushing Blaine away and hopping off the counter. Over the past two months Liv had seen Major fair few times, especially after Ravi moved in with him. She had however, very intentionally, not mentioned that she was in a, sort of, relationship. After all, once she was cured, she hoped to reunite with him. However, he was unlikely to wait for her if he thought she'd moved on with another guy. And she doubted his opinion of her would improve if she told him that her 'relationship' with Blaine was mainly about sex. Something that Liv didn't even believe anymore. Granted, the majority of time Liv spent with Blaine was intimate. However, they also talked a lot and had even gotten into some very deep discussions about morality and being a zombie. Blaine had also made it his mission to improve Liv's knowledge and appreciation of music after, what they now refer to as the beetle incident, when Blaine asked Liv who her favourite Beetle was and she answered Mick Jagger. Liv swears he nearly went into full on zombie mode then and there in the middle of the record store.

"Who would have thought you'd get so many interruptions in a morgue? At this rate the damn mayor will walk in here the next time we're trying to have sex." Blaine said sarcastically and turned and leant against the counter to face Major as he redid the buttons of his shirt, something that Liv saw Majors eyes dart to, before looking back at her and then quickly avoiding her gaze.

"Um…Sorry to…interrupt." Major said as he stared at an anatomy poster above Liv's head. "Ravi forgot his phone at home so I'm just dropping it off for him, is he here?"

"Oh yes, his phone of course. He's been going crazy for it all morning." Liv said, walking over to Major and holding out an out stretched hand. "He's out for lunch at the moment, but if you leave it with me I'll make sure he gets it." Major's eyes flickered to Liv, to her outstretched hand and finally to Blaine who was currently replying to a text he had just received.

"How long until he's back, I don't mind waiting for him?" Major said.

"Honestly he'll probably be around 40 minutes." Liv said looking at the clock on the wall. "You've got better things to do then wait around here. I promise you I'll give Ravi his phone the moment he walks through the door." Major looked at Blaine again, who finally met his gaze after putting his phone away.

"So you're the famous Major." Blaine suddenly exclaimed pushing himself off the counter and making his way over to Liv and Major.

"Um, yeah I guess." Major said, immediately wary.

"Well I've heard a lot about you from Liv and Ravi." Blaine said as he put an arm around Liv's waist and pulled her slightly closer to him, purely to see Major's eyes narrow and his fist clench even tighter around Ravi's phone.

"Strange," Major replied. "Neither of them have mentioned you."

"Hm, I wonder why that is." Blaine said looking down at Liv, who refused to meet his gaze. "I'll just have to introduce myself then." Blaine held out his hand for Major to shake. Major eyed it suspiciously for a second before reluctantly clasping. "Blaine DeBeers, enterpriser, business owner and the guy currently doing your ex-fiancé." The morgue plunged into awkward silence as Major's hand went limp in Blaine's grasp, who let it fall away with one final squeeze. Liv didn't dare look at Major and she was so angry at Blaine that she didn't want to look at him either so her gazed remained fixed on the floor. The silence was broken a few seconds later by the sound of Blaine receiving another text. Blaine quickly retrieved his phone from his pocket and scanned the text before sending off a reply and pocketing the phone.

"I've gotta jet, duty calls." Blaine said. Liv turned to him, a scowl on her face, wondering if he really had to leave or if he just wanted to leave her alone in this awkward situation with Major. "So my original reason for coming to see you, apart from to see you and attempt kinky morgue sex, was to check if you'd be needing dinner tonight? But as I can see, you've already eaten." Blaine said, his eyes flickering to the covered-up body on the examination table.

"I'm fine." Liv replied stiffly, angry at the way he was behaving in front of Major.

"Also, I'm working late tonight." Blaine said, fishing his phone back out of his pocket to quickly read another text he'd received. "But make sure you wait up for me." Blaine whispered, lowing his face to Liv's and tucking some of her hair behind her ear. Just as his lips were about to make contact with hers, Liv turned her face away so his lips made contact with her cheek to show him her displeasure with the way he had been acting. Annoyingly, Liv could feel him smiling against her skin and then his fingers came up to clasp her chin and gently turn her face back towards his. There was no force in his movements and if she didn't want to move he wouldn't make her but Liv felt her resolve crumble as she turned and her lips met his and as always everything else vanished from her mind except the spark that coursed through her body the moment her lips touched Blaine's. However, far too soon for Liv's liking, Blaine pulled away, smirking at the wanton look he saw on her face.

"Pleasure to finally meet you Major." Blaine said. "And always a pleasure to see you." Blaine whispered to Liv before planting one last kiss on her lips and disappearing out the morgue. The moment Blaine was gone, the morgue reverted back into awkward silence.

"Um, we've got a sofa and a TV if you still want to wait around for Ravi?" Liv eventually said.

"No, you're right, I'll just leave it with you and head back to work." Major said, placing the phone down on a nearby equipment trolley and turning around to walk up the stairs out the morgue. Liv would have sighed in relief, if she had been able to, however her relief was short lived when Major came marching back down the steps.

"What the hell Liv? Eight months ago you break up with me for no reason, then you showed up on my doorstep saying you couldn't bare another second without me, the moment I start to move on you insist that your boss comes and lives with me and now I find out you left me for that jackass?!"

"No Major, it wasn't like that. Blaine and I have only been…seeing each other for two months." Liv replied.

"And in those two months, you couldn't find a couple of seconds to let me know that you'd found someone else."

"I didn't want to hurt you." Liv replied lamely.

"Well, bang up job you did there." Major said as he rubbed his forehead with his hand and turned away from Liv.

"I know I don't really have the right to ask and this will probably come across like I haven't moved on, which is partly true, but what's he got that I haven't?" Major asked, remaining with his back to her.

"It's not like that Major. You are practically the definition of the perfect boyfriend and I did love you, with all my heart. But after the boat party, I changed and I couldn't love you that way anymore."

"But you can love him?" Major said, turning around to face Liv.

"I don't love him." Liv instantly replied and she was almost positive she was telling the truth. "Blaine and I just share something that binds us together for the foreseeable future. He makes me feel."

"Feel? Feel what? Are you both part of some cult where you bleach your skin and dye your hair? What could you possibly have in common with that guy?" Major asked.

"It's complicated!" Liv replied.

"Then simplify it."

"He was at the boat party! One of the only other survivors, he understood what I went through. You remember how I was, I didn't really survive the boat party. Those months after, I was dead on the inside, numb to the world. But when I found Blaine, he understood straight away, the numbness I felt every second of everyday." Liv was close to tears at this point, she'd never expressed any of these thoughts or feelings before, she hadn't even been aware that she had them. "Being with Blaine heals me, he chases away the numbness. Makes me feel like the person I used to be. And I think I heal him as well, although he tries to hide it."

"I tried to help you, but you just pushed me away." Major eventually replied.

"I know and I'm so grateful. But you could never understand, you thought I had PTSD, but it was so much worse in ways you can't possibly imagine. I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you and I hope that one day we can truly be friends but right now, that's all I can be." Liv looked up at Major and saw that he was searching for something more to say but eventually he just turned away and vanished from the morgue. Liv quickly sat down, scared her legs would give out after her emotional rollercoaster. Liv knew that she couldn't have kept Blaine a secret forever and at least now it was over it. But that still didn't erase the anger Liv felt at what a jackass Blaine had been.

xXx

When Liv let herself into Blaine's apartment later that night she could hear the sound of the TV on in the living room and taking a few steps down the hallway she saw him reclining on the sofa.

"What is wrong with you?!" Liv demanded marching into the living area and standing in front of the TV.

"Aside from the fact that I'm undead? Um, someone's blocking my view of the TV." Blaine said.

"Why were you such a jackass to Major today?" Liv demand.

"Because I'm a jackass, I would have thought you'd know that by now." Blaine replied calmly which on served to anger Liv more.

"Argh! You're infuriating!" Liv said throwing her hands in the air.

"What exactly are you angry about? What did I do?"

"You know what you said, it was completely inappropriate."

"So is making out in a morgue, but you've never objected before."

"But you didn't have to tell Major about us, that we…you know…" Liv said, trailing off.

"Have sex? Fuck like rabbits? Do the nasty? Make the beast with two backs?"

"Yes, yes, that. Again, with the Shakespeare." Liv huffed, "You didn't have to tell him that."

"Liv, he walked in on us seconds away from ripping each other's clothes off. If he didn't realise we were about to have sex then he's even dumber than he looks."

"Don't talk about him like that!" Liv threatened. There was a moment of silence between them until Blaine very calmly stood so he was looking down at her and smiled.

"Or what?" Neither of them expected what happened next. Liv's eyes turned blood red and her black veins bulged under her skin and she launched herself at him, the force sent them toppling over the back of the sofa ending up with Liv on top of a slightly dazed Blaine. Liv recovered immediately and launched her attack, biting down on the soft flesh of Blaine's neck where it connected to his shoulder. The pain caused Blaine to cry out and the rush of adrenaline sent him into full on zombie mode and he pushed Liv off him, launching her across the room where she landed on his glass dinning table, shattering it into millions of pieces. Blaine jumped up and immediately ducked in time to miss one of his dinning chairs as it flew over his head and smashed into one of the glass panel walls, fracturing the much stronger glass in its frame. Blaine recovered quickly and as Liv was attempting to grab another chair, grabbed the back of her shirt and pulled her towards him before roughly pushing her front up against the wall with enough force that the side of the head made a dent in the drywall. Blaine immediately sank his teeth into the flesh of Liv's neck, just as she had done to him. Liv scrambled her hand trying to reach one of the knives that sat in their block on the kitchen counter to the side of her. Liv elbowed Blaine in the side and he recoiled back slightly but it was enough for Liv reach the final few centre meters she needed, grabbing a knife she plunged it into the side of Blaine's upper thigh. Blaine shouted in pain and threw Liv to the side, where she banged into the kitchen island, breaking off a chunk of the marble counter top. Blaine grabbed the knife and yanked it out, barely feeling any pain.

"You know what Liv? I'm beginning to enjoy this." Blaine laughed, his blood red eyes glowing with desire and Liv felt that familiar spark of desire begin to pool in the pit of her stomach. However, this slight distraction gave Blaine the opening he needed and he lunged for her, tackling her to the ground. Blaine pinned her arms down either side of her head and looked down at her. His crimson blood was running down her alabaster chin and neck. He roughly took her mouth, nipping and biting her lips and neck as he ripped her ruined shirt off her petite body. Blaine released her lips and raised his head to look down at Liv's body and it gave Liv the opportunity to punch him in the jaw, knocking him off her on to his back.

Liv quickly jumped up and discarded her bra, hiked up be skirt and tore off her pants before lowing herself on Blaine's panting form and ripping open his shirt. She kissed and licked her way down his chest and stomach while her hands made quick work of unbuckling his belt and undoing his pants. She grabbed his length in her hands and pumped it repeatedly until she enveloped him in her mouth. She stroked him with her tongue as her lips moved up down his length. Suddenly she thrown backwards, her head banging against the tiled floor, but the pain was immediately forgotten when Blaine climbed on top of her, hoisting one of her legs over his shoulder and entering her swiftly. Liv screamed at the pleasure she felt as Blaine roughly rocked himself inside her. Liv pulled his face to hers to kiss him, the metallic taste of her own blood only seemed to excite her more. She could feel her climax approaching and her fingers clawed at Blaine's back as he bit into her neck. Liv screamed as her orgasm hit her like a wall and she barely registered when Blaine ceased his movements having reached his own completion. Liv felt herself revert to her normal zombie form and when Blaine lifted his head up from the arch of her neck she saw that he too had turned back. They both simply stared at each other as they came down off their highs and it wasn't until a minute later that they both noticed the loud and persistent banging on the door.

"Mr Debeers?!" A voice on the other side of the door shouted. "Mr Debeers, are you alright? The police have been called, the neighbours reported lots of banging and crashing."

"Oh for fucks sake." Blaine said as he reluctantly pulled out of Liv, the little whimper she made always made him smirk. Standing up, he quickly located his boxers and pulled them on before grabbing the throw off the sofa and throwing it over Liv and going to answer the door, whispering to himself about why neighbours couldn't mind their own business. Blaine yanked the door open and was greeted by the sight of a frightened concierge ushering two police officers out of the elevator.

"Mr Debeers, are you ok?" The concierge asked. "The neighbours reported sounds of-"

"Yes, banging and crashing. Nothing to worry about, I'm fine. No burglars or murders, sorry for wasting your time officers." Blaine said and started shutting the door.

"Hold a moment sir." One of the officers said, putting his hand on the door to stop it from closing. "Would you mind if we had a quick look around, just so we can assure the other tenants that nothing is amiss." The officer phased it as a question but Blaine knew he didn't really have a choice, so he simply smiled and opened the door wide for the two officers. Blaine had to admit that his apartment was now a bit of a mess but he highly doubted that either of the officers were actually looking around since they both seemed pretty occupied with the sight of Liv desperately trying to keep the throw wrapped round her, whilst trying to pick up her clothes and avoid all the broken glass. Liv froze mid bend with her bra hanging from her hand of she spotted the police officers, before her eyes immediately darted to Blaine, full of anger and accusation. Blaine held his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry Liv, I told them we were fine, but they insisted on coming in and checking." Blaine said.

"Miss? Are you ok? You don't have to afraid." One of the officers said.

"I'm fine officer, honestly. We're both," Liv paused as she surveyed the devastation that was Blaine's apartment. "fine."

"So as I told you officers, we're both fine here. So, if you don't mind, my girlfriend and I would like to continue with our evening." Blaine said as he opened the front door. The police officers took one last suspicious look around before leaving. Blaine slammed the door behind them and walked back into the living room, looking around at the mess.

"Girlfriend?" Liv asked, curious as to where that had come from.

"Would you prefer I said my zombie lover?"

"Would have been funny to hear their reply if you had." Liv laughed, trying to manoeuvre herself to the sofa through the sea of glass. Blaine collapsed onto the sofa and pulled Liv down onto his lap.

"You know what I've realised today." Blaine said.

"What?" Liv replied as she picked shards of glass out her feet.

"One, angry zombie hate sex is the best and I think we should do it more often."

"Are you sure you'd be able to pay for the constant repairs?" Liv laughed, looking from the smashed window, to the destroyed table and chair, the dent in the dry wall and the chunks of missing marble from the kitchen counter.

"Worth it." Blaine said, tracing the already healed and fading bite mark on Liv's neck.

"And two?" Liv asked.

"You like that I'm a jackass." Blaine said as his lips found Liv's and Liv had to admit, there were certain perks, hot zombie hate sex being the main one.


End file.
